|
Broken Heart
101
dealing with a broken heart
broken heart surveys & polls
broken heart poem
broken heart quote
broken heart advice
get over a broken heart
share your
breakup
Win
Boyfriend
Back
How
to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back
- By using these basic, down-to-earth
strategies, anyone can get an ex-boyfriend back and turn a broken relationship
back into a loving, lasting one - or make their current relationships deeper
and more
fulfilling.
THE ZODIAC MAN!
Because not all men are alike, the
plan to win them back shouldn't be
the same,
either!
Broken Heart
Help
My
Breakup Space
My Breakup Blog
My Big Breakup
Breakups Magazine
Gay/Lesbian Advice
Date a
Millionaire
Get Your Boyfriend Back
Win Your Girl Back
Broken
Heart Links
Cunnilingus
Academy
Curl her toes with these tips and techniques!
commitmentphobia
why women cheat
stop his commitmentphobia
perfect
love letters
|
|
Broken Heart 101
Communicating With Those Who Play the Role
of the Victim
Robert Elias Najemy
The role of Victim (poor me) is a favorite with many of us. There are so
many "benefits" we can ensure by playing the role of the victim.
1. We automatically gain self-worth. Follow this
reasoning closely. As a victim, we are the one to whom injustice is being
done. Thus, the others are unjust, incorrect, not okay, wrong in what they
do and consequently we are just, okay, good and right. We are worthy and
they are not. Many of us, who lack sufficient self-esteem, find this as a
way we can establish our self-worth, by being the victims of others¹
wrong doings.
2. As victims we can play on the others¹ pity and guilt. When they are
angry with us, we can diminish their rage and aggression by appearing weak
and abused.
3. When we want something from some one, we can play on their guilt, by making
them feel responsible for our unhappiness or our problems.
4. We "as victims" are not responsible for our reality and thus not to blame
if we or our lives are not as we would like them to be. We have an excuse
for not being okay or manifesting our potential.
Thus, as victims, we gain what we want from the others, by making them feel
responsible for our reality, and by believing that we are weak, incapable
and in need of help.
When confronted with loved ones who are playing the role of victim, we need
to free ourselves from the illusion that we are responsible for their reality
or that we can create their happiness, health or success in life. We can
love and support them with all heart, but we cannot create their happiness,
health or success. Only they can do that.
We need to express our love to them in ways that they can feel it, without
getting caught up in feeling responsible or guilty for their reality. This
requires a combination of love, effective communication and clarity of mind.
We need to help them find another way of getting what they need. Away free
from self-pity and unnecessary suffering.
When we serve someone a fish, we feed them once. When we teach them to fish,
we feed them for a lifetime. Thus the greatest gift we can give is our faith
in the other¹s ability to solve his or her own problems.
A possible honest communication with a Victim might go something like this.
I message to a Victim
"Dear, I want you to know that I love and care
for you and want very much for you to be happy and healthy and satisfied
in your life. I want that very much and have been trying to create that for
you. However, I am beginning to realize that I cannot do that for you.
"I realize now that I have been feeling responsible for your reality and
some times guilty because you are not as happy and satisfied as we would
both like you to be.
"I now realize that I do not help you by feeling responsible or guilty. These
feelings just make me angry with you because you do not do what you could
be doing to create a happier life for yourself. Also you often do not see
how wonderful your life really is, because you frequently focus on what you
do not have, rather than all the wonderful things you do have.
"Thus, I am no longer going to try to create your happiness or get your approval
through your expression of satisfaction. I am going to love you and offer
you whatever I can, without doing more than I believe I should and without
getting feeling guilty or getting angry with you because you are not satisfied.
I hope you will be able to feel my love in this change. This has nothing
to do with my love for you, but about an unhealthy codependence, which has
developed between us, in which I am seeking my own self-worth through your
happiness and satisfaction.
"Is there something you would like to share with me concerning this?"
There are of course situations in which someone may actually be unable to
help themselves and sincerely in need of our help. In such cases we will
serve them joyously with love.
Be Well
(Robert Elias Najemy's recently
released book "The Psychology of Happiness" (ISBN 0-9710116-0-5) is available
at
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/redirect-home/holisticharmo-20
and
http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html
.
His writings can be viewed at
http://www.HolisticHarmony.com
where you can also download FREE articles and
e-books.)
|
|
or join the community
and get these books FREE!
What Makes You
Irresistible?
Marriage Proposal
Ideas
Red Hot Love
Relationships
The Ultimate Womans Guide
To Dating
The Muscly Jerks Guide.
Muscle Building Program To Attract Women
OUR
MEMBERS' BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS
|
