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Broken Heart 101

Tigress Luv, the Breakup Guru, and Her View on 'Grief'

Grief has many different reasons, but for most of us it is a way of purging and cleansing our souls - so we can feel renewed, we can free ourselves from useless clutter that stored would only impede our progress. It is much like a snake shedding its skin*.

But for some 'grief' becomes our security blanket. We hold onto grief because by holding onto the grief we are keeping the person we grieve over 'alive' in a sense. We are keeping the relationship alive. To let go of our grief and move on means to let go of our love/relationship and move on...and we are not ready to do that. Grief is the only remaining 'tie that binds'.

For others grieving is a way of honoring those we grieve over. For instance, when Dave died I grieved over him for a long time because I had the mistaken notion that if I were to stop grieving and get on with my life I would be betraying him somehow. After all, it wasn't his fault he died..and if I kept on living then I felt I was belittling his 'life', instead of honoring him. I really felt that any kind of happiness on my part was a betrayal to him and his memory. I felt I needed to grieve forever in order to honor and love him forever. In order to NOT betray him.

For others 'grief' actually becomes our rebound relationship. We no longer have our mates so we replace them with a proxy - our grief. Our grief now becomes a substitute for our lost mates. It comforts us, it cradles us, it loves us. Grief becomes our new love!

But, all in all, for most 'grief' is a way to cleanse our souls of clutter so we can go on without baggage and enjoy life to its fullest. So let your grief flow, feel the pain, cry a thousand rivers. It is cleansing.

Stop fighting the grief because this only postpones and prolongs the natural cleansing.

Grief, too, will pass - as all things come to pass.

.....

*have you ever seen a snake shed his skin? ...

The snake simply outgrows it... the skin becomes a tight, painful noose around its neck, hampering its abilities to grow and flourish. So the snake crawls on its belly, banging against jagged rocks & squirming in pain, until at last the old, binding skin that made the snake so miserable is cast aside and gone and the snake feels rejuvinated, BRAND NEW.

Pain and hurt are just like that skin. We must learn to endure the struggle to break ourselves free from its binding grip, and so... We squirm in agony, but through the process we also know that there is a brand new us waiting to emerge.

The pain and hurt is not easy, but it gradually goes away and underneath its black veil a NEW person emerges. And the new person is better than ever. HANG IN THERE!

~~Tigress Luv, the Breakup Guru

Tigress Luv, the Breakup Guru, is the author of How to get Over a Breakup, an instantly available online webBook or downloadable eBook and website designed to help you understand and heal from a broken heart, and How to STOP a Breakup (and win back your ex), an instantly available webBook or eBook and website designed to help you STOP or reverse your breakup and get your ex back. Both are available on this site and are free when you join our community.

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